What should wife do if husband responsible for disharmony?

What should wife do if husband responsible for disharmony?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As Salaamualaikum,

I recieve your e-mails regularly in my inbox, and I find your responses to the questions very fair and unbiased.

I do have a question though.  Further to your response to a statement that was made "Islaam subjugates women", you mentioned "It is only allowed in the extreme case where the women defies the authority of her husband on a regular basis and there is absolute disharmony in the marriage"

I am curious to know what allowances are made when it is the husband who is the cause of disharmoy in the marriage?  Are you saying that the husband is always correct in dispensing authority, and his decisions are always reasonable, because of the rights that are given to him as mehr?

I look forward to hearing from you. 

Thank you

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)


What should wife do if husband responsible for disharmony?
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Both husband and wife are partners in marriage, and both being human, both of them are equally open to error.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 128: If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

Islam guides the believers, both men and women, to honor and respect the sacred institution of marriage, and follow the guidance and teachings of Allah and His Messenger (saws). If the husband is cruel and the cause of disharmony in the marriage, the first thing Islam guides towards is for the two partners in marriage to fear Allah, and solve the problem between themselves. If that is not possible, Islam allows for arbitration, where a God-fearing person from the wifes side and a God-fearing person from the husbands side sort out the issues and judge with justice amongst them; and if both these arbitrators are truly well-wishers of the couple, Allah Subhanah will guide them to a path of re-conciliation.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 35: If ye fear a breach between them twain appoint (two) arbiters one from his family and the other from hers; if they wish for peace Allah will cause their reconciliation: for Allah hath full knowledge and is acquainted with all things.

Allah and His Messenger (saws) guide the believers to try all means to reconcile the husband and the wife in dispute, and steer them both to honor and respect the sacred ties of marriage. If, after everything, both or one of them is unwilling to compromise or the guilty party is unwilling to amend his conduct, Islam has allowed the man and the woman to start the proceedings of one of the most detestable acts of the lawful in Islam: divorce.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: Of all the lawful acts the most detestable to Allah is divorce.

Whichever of the two partners in marriage is unjust, cruel, and the cause of disharmony in the marriage; if he/she does not repent and amend their conducts, they will have a severe accounting in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah on an Inevitable Day, where no oppressor and tyrant will go unpunished, and where no oppressed victim will not receive compensation; for Allah Subhanah is fully aware of everything. Thus the believers, who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day, must strive to stay within the boundaries laid down by Allah and His Messenger (saws) and never ever try to oppress or undermine the rights of another.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

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